The Dark Why
Originally created for Struthless in December 2022. 340K+ views. Based on research into motivation, negativity bias, and the psychology of using setbacks to fuel forward momentum.
Can your negativity, your insecurities, your demons, your tragedies—whatever they are—can they be used to improve your life?
The question sounds controversial, maybe even toxic. We live in a world where the cultural message is clear: unless you're doing something for the most altruistic, positive reason, don't do it at all. World peace, right? But what happens when that pure motivation feels inaccessible? What happens when you need to start the car but can't find the keys?
Beyond "Find Your Why"
Nietzsche said, "He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how." This quote resonated with Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl and eventually found its way onto LinkedIn in the form of Simon Sinek's 2017 book Find Your Why. The core concept is simple: if you know why you want to do something or why you exist, then the how, the what, the who, and the where will all fall into place. Where there's a will, there's a way.
I agree completely. But what happens when that will feels inaccessible?
Instead of just finding your why, what if you could find your dark why?
What Is a Dark Why?
A dark why, just like a regular why, is a motivating reason for doing something. Unlike the lofty, positive why we're told to seek, this one's made up of things you don't really want to broadcast about yourself: anger, jealousy, insecurity, revenge, guilt, shame, disgust. All of these "bad" qualities that we'd rather be rid of. But before we discard them, why don't we just use them?
Your dark why is your way of using insecurities to improve your life. What you're looking for is energy—emotional energy. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad. You just want some sort of power source that you can use.
Think of it like a car. Motivation is a full tank of petrol. To access that tank, you need to start the car. Traditionally, that means using the keys—your positive why. But if you can't find your keys, if you can't find that positivity, there's another option: you could hotwire it. You can bypass that ignition switch and get that motor started with a dark why. Hot-wiring might not be encouraged, but it does get the job done.
The Australian Ultra Runner
Take Turia Pitt, an Australian ultra runner. Turia might start a race to inspire people, raise funds, or achieve something positive. But when things get tough—and things always get tough—she doesn't use these noble goals to motivate her. Instead, she turns to negativity, literally using her head to scare herself into running.
"I would imagine that I was a messenger for a queen, and I had to get a message to her. Otherwise, a war would break out and I'd have the deaths of thousands of people on my hands."
This tactic appeared even before she became an athlete. In high school, when her teacher Mr. Smith told her she wasn't smart enough to take her chosen subjects, she was infuriated. But she used his negativity as motivation. She ended up coming first in all her subjects, got a mark in the high 90s, and won the math medal.
"So go suck it, Mr. Smith."
Turia took something negative and turned it into purpose.
The Action-Motivation Loop
The cultural myth we need to dispel is this: you need to be motivated in order to act. You need to be full of inspiration, you need to have just watched Remember the Titans, and then—only then—can you go out there and make that thing happen.
But as many people have pointed out, the way to actually start the loop is with action. Action leads to motivation, and once you act, then you can get the benefit of the cycle. This first action can be positively motivated, but it can also be negatively motivated.
The dark why works because of the action-motivation loop and negativity bias.
Negativity Bias
Negativity bias is the idea that negative things have a greater effect on your psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things. In simpler words: bad stuff sticks in your head.
There was a study by an online newspaper called The City Reporter. They noticed there was all this negative news, and so many people were complaining about it, saying they wanted to see positive news. The City Reporter responded: "We hear you! December 1st is officially Good News Day, where we only publish good news."
On Good News Day, The City Reporter lost two-thirds of its readership.
What they learned is that negative news gets clicks. Negativity launches people into action. The question is: does that action have to be doom-scrolling? What if that action could be something positive?
Rich Roll's Transformation
It's the night before his 40th birthday. Rich Roll had this routine where, because he worked himself to the bone, he'd reward himself by chilling out in front of the TV and eating fast food—heaps of it. His ritual ends, and he goes to put himself to bed. His bed is up a small flight of stairs.
Halfway up these stairs, he realizes that he is out of breath.
"Oh my goodness, I sure am unfit. This is not great."
He catches his breath, goes into his bedroom, and sees his young daughter in his bed. He has this thought—a thought he's never had before: "If I'm this unfit, am I going to be around for her wedding?"
This starts to scare him. A lot.
Ordinarily, when an insecurity like this would pop up, he'd just drown it out with TV and food. But today he felt different. For whatever reason, he decides that instead of avoiding the truth, he's going to stare at it. He goes to the mirror, still huffing from those stairs, and staring back at him he sees it: a miserable, unfit, middle-aged man.
"Dude, is this really the best you can do?"
That question is so sobering, and it came from a place of shame, guilt, self-disgust. These insecurities would ultimately launch him into his next phase of life. He never wanted to be that guy again.
He changed his diet completely. He started noticing that those stairs didn't wear him down anymore. From this, he's like, "I think I got some energy." With that energy, he starts to run. And run. And run.
Rich Roll would go on to be one of the world's most iconic ultra-endurance triathletes. He would finish Ultraman, five Ironmans in a week, and create a brilliant podcast documenting the whole thing. Within a few short years, this self-disgust took him from a guy who could barely make it up the stairs to one of the world's fittest people.
How Rich Did It
Rich was having a conflict between what he wanted in the short term and what he wanted in the long term. In the short term, he wanted burgers and TV. In the long term, he wanted to be fit and healthy. The burger path does not lead to the long-term path he wants.
Rationally, you might say, "Rich, if you want the long one, pick the long one." But comparing a long-term reward that you have to wait for and a short-term reward that you could have right now—it's not a fair fight.
What Rich had to do was level the playing field. He needed to express his long-term goal in terms of a short-term feeling, and then he could pitch his short-term feelings of the two paths against each other.
Now the choice looks like this: burger and TV (feels good) versus running (pain). Rich uses his dark why. He consciously adds shame, self-disgust, and the image of his early death to the burger side until it's way less painful to just go for that run.
Tyler the Creator's Self-Awareness
Outside of his music, Tyler the Creator is 100% sober. When he talks about it, he often mentions self-awareness and hypotheticals.
"I have an addictive personality, like where I wear the same outfit for a month and a half type shit. So me being aware of that, if I ended up liking alcohol or some shit, it would be the fucking downfall of me."
He knows himself well enough to predict his mistakes without actually having to make them.
"I know I don't want to be that drunk guy, but I do know that I want to hit a jump on a dirt bike. I can look at that and say I want to do that, but I've never seen a drunk guy and been like, 'Damn, I want to be that.'"
A Framework for Using Your Dark Why
Here's a simple decision-making framework:
- Define two long-term potential timelines: The worst you that you could become, and the best you that you could become. For example: "cruel, lonely, alcoholic slob" and "fun-loving, athletic person."
- Identify an action in your life that you no longer want and one that you would like to replace it with.
- Identify the short-term gain and pain that keep you from changing.
- Tip the short-term scales. Like Rich added self-disgust, or Tyler used embarrassment—whatever makes that unwanted action actually unwanted. Then bolster up those short-term positives.
The Important Caveats
I'm not saying this is the most altruistic way to live your life. I'm not saying that other people should do this. Once you're in that loop, do it for the right reasons. But there is research to suggest that starting that initial action is a bit easier with negativity.
The dark why is about acknowledging human complexity. It's recognizing that we are not all born with the same head, but we are born into the same world with very strong cultural messages about motivation and purity of purpose.
The Dark Why in Action
All of these examples—Seneca's stoicism, Sylvia Plath making beauty out of sorrow, Neil Gaiman's "make good art," Nelson Mandela learning from unpleasant experiences, Po Bronson writing what makes him angry, Jeanette McCurdy's memoir—they all have one thing in common. Instead of seeing negativity as something to be shunned, they embraced it, used it, and made their lives better.
The dark why doesn't have to be your final destination. It's the jump-start. It's hot-wiring the car when you can't find the keys. Once the engine's running, once you're in that action-motivation loop, you can drive toward whatever destination you choose.
But first, you have to start the car.